IA December '19 Newsletter : QUO VADIS?

by Savanthika Pillay

Given our propensity for reflection when facing milestone moments, like the end of a year, I hope to offer you something practical to help you think about where you are now and where you are going. Reflecting on and understanding the wisdom of Harrison Owen‘s 4 Immutable Principles of Spirit and 1 Law has been quite liberating and invaluable to me.

He offered this to the world, as a fresh and creative way to convene large gatherings/conferences and he called it Open Space Technology. This newsletter is not about Open Space Technology or conference planning, but rather how I have found that you can apply his teachings and his principles to your everyday life.

The 4 Immutable Principles of Spirit
Whoever arrives are the right people
Whenever it starts is the right time
Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened
When it’s over, it’s over

AND

Law of 2 Feet

Whoever arrives are the right people

As a facilitator of group processes, amongst other things, I run programs that run over the course of a year. Even though the dates of the sessions are provided at the beginning of a program, delegates are not always able to honour their initial commitment and may miss a session or few. I have learned to stop treating everything with suspicion.

Through the first immutable law of spirit I have learned to pay attention to who is before me, and remove judgment about those who don’t show up. I have learned to accept that life is messy and unpredictable and when people choose something else over a date committed to, this is not a rejection of me or the work we are doing together, but rather that their circumstances have changed and they are meeting their own needs.

As importantly, if not more importantly, it is a far better use of energy for me, to focus on whoever is in the room. And when I apply this principle, every gathering is richer because I am showing up from a place of full presence, rather than having a silent mental rant about who is not there. And at the risk of being labeled an esoteric, I have found that every single time, the universe conspires in such a way that the people who are there, are the right people. They are the right people for each other, because as they are led into dialogue, they have a conversation with that right someone who stretches them into growth, reflection or resolution.

Whenever it starts is the right time

I am reminded of a story a client shared recently; in attendance at a global company conference hosted in Africa, were the European counterparts who were becoming increasingly annoyed by the late start. Eventually one of the African delegates, fed up with the complaints, chirped up and said, “you guys have the watches, but we have the time.”

And no, I am not advocating for a laissez-faire attitude around punctuality, but there is something that comes up for me around the experience of ease. The urgency and pressure of modern day life, leaves little space for connection and presence. It leaves little time for thinking. In a facilitation space recently, I had a delegate share that his day is spent in back to back meetings, each running for an hour at a time and he asked what I hope is a rhetorical question when he put a plea into the space “surely, this can’t be good?”

Seems quite obvious, yet this is the daily demand on an average person, in the working world. There is such a demand to be productive, to keep ahead of the game, to be first to market, so much to do, to do, to do….

And in all of this busyness, we are missing out on what really matters. Connection. Relationships. Quiet time. Solitude. Rest. Ease.

I think we have much to still learn about pausing and being in the moment. To quote John Lennon “life is what happens to you whilst you’re busy making other plans”. Now is the time that you have for living, for aliveness. To learn how to be in the moment, it may be helpful to explore the concept of Chronos time and Kairos time. The Greeks have offered us this wonderful way to look at and understand time. I borrow a description from McKinley Valentine’s blog:

“The ancient Greeks had two words for time, and kairos was the second. The first was chronos, which we still use in words like chronological and anachronism. It refers to clock time – time that can be measured – seconds, minutes, hours, years.

Where chronos is quantitative, kairos is qualitative. It measures moments, not seconds. Further, it refers to the right moment, the opportune moment. The perfect moment. The world takes a breath, and in the pause before it exhales, fates can be changed.”

Both Chronos and Kairos time have a place and value. We need to be discerning and intentional about how we use it. There is a time for everything.

Whatever happens is the only thing that could have

These words of wisdom remind me to accept and be fully present with what is, rather than analyzing, over-thinking and regretting what did not happen as I had expected or intended. The conversations that go along the lines of “if only I had said or done that” or “If only you had done or said that, then I would have…”, are actually quite pointless, blaming and often shaming. These conversations deny us learning from the immediate experience before us. My son’s friend recently wore a t shirt that I loved which said “forget the mistake, remember the lesson.’

If we accept that whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened, given the set of circumstances and the people involved, then we will find ourselves connected to the path and not attached to a plan. The path is where the rich learning is, where there is insight and transformation. This is the learning of acceptance and presence, not the suffering that comes from struggling against my reality and wishing that it could be different. Whilst there may be pain, there is no suffering.

When it’s over, it’s over
I think it’s symptomatic of my middle age, but what is this phenomenon, the after-party?

Seriously though, this for me is another lesson in acceptance that things come to an end, even good times. “To everything there is a season”

How much time and energy is taken from us, struggling against the reality that something is over? Many of us feel suffering, not able to accept that a relationship or situation has come to a natural end.

Grieve, as you must, if the situation calls for it, and then move on.

The Law of 2 Feet

If at any time you find yourself in any situation where you are neither learning nor contributing, feeling valued or offering value, use your 2 feet and move to some place, more of your liking, where you can make a better contribution.

As conscious adults, where we are, is a result of our choices, not our circumstances. Often, when at a crossroads, we need to make a decision that either takes us some place new, or returns us to an old, familiar place, or maybe, we decide to stay right where we are. If you stay where you are, it will be helpful to stop complaining.

If you use your 2 feet, there will be discomfort. Often times these paths bring some pain; the question to be asked is “which pain will move me further”? Tony Robbins says “change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change”

Will you use your 2 feet?
Quo vadis?
Where are you going?

In closing, our wish for you is that you let go of whatever it is that is keeping you stuck or holding you back, that you accept your reality and continue to create a reality of your choosing and that you use your 2 feet to powerfully and bravely step into a 2020 of your liking