{"id":7343,"date":"2021-03-03T07:05:05","date_gmt":"2021-03-03T05:05:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.imagoafrica.co.za\/?p=7343"},"modified":"2021-05-12T10:51:39","modified_gmt":"2021-05-12T08:51:39","slug":"love-letter-from-the-chair-march-2021-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/imagoafrica.co.za\/for-professionals\/love-letter-from-the-chair-march-2021-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Love letter from the chair March 2021"},"content":{"rendered":"

COMMUNITY EXPERTS<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

What an honor it is to be part of this community of experts!\u00a0 May I remind you that YOU are part of this amazing pool of experts and together we create an orchestra of collective wisdom?\u00a0\u00a0This addition will focus on the expertise of this vibrant community starting with an article written by Kobus van der Merwe.\u00a0 If you were not able to attend the National Chapter meeting on 2 February, here is your chance to get a glimpse of the exciting content.<\/p>\n

EXPERTISE FROM OUR FACULTY<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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RE-IMAGING<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA powerful basis for change in Imago Couples therapy.<\/p>\n

When couples are in love or a power struggle, they don\u2019t see the \u201cotherness\u201d of their partner. They only see their own positive projections (in the love phase) or negative projections (power struggle). For example, in the power struggle, couples see each other as the source of their pain and as enemies. They also see their partners as intentionally trying to harm them or to withhold love from them. This causes the space to feel very unsafe and leads to polarization and disconnection. From this context, nothing creative can happen. Even the dialogue itself becomes a power struggle \u2013 you are not sending and inviting when speaking, but you are convincing and attacking. You are not visiting or listening, but you are protecting and waiting to defend yourself. There is then even not in the dialogue any sense of connection or repair.<\/p>\n

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So, an important condition for an effective dialogue, but also for a successful couplehood, is to help the couple to re-image each other. This is a process where the Imago therapist helps the couple to see each other as wounded, especially from the perspective of their childhood. Woundedness is seen as developmental needs that were not met during childhood. Part of re-visioning is to understand that we learn as children to protect ourselves against the pain by developing adaptations to survive. For example, in the identity stage, we need to be mirrored. But when we are defectively mirrored, then children feel invisible and adapt by becoming vague. This adaptation and self-absorption cause pain in the partner \u2013 pain that triggers their old childhood wounds and adaptations. This becomes the power struggle.<\/p>\n

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In revisioning, partners can see the wounded child in each other that reaches out for connection and who wants to feel alive. With that, will develop empathy that leads to repair and healing. A few exercises that create revisioning is:<\/p>\n

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  1. Parent\/Child Dialogue<\/li>\n
  2. Holding Exercise<\/li>\n
  3. Parent-profile and Imago Work-up<\/li>\n
  4. Lost-Self Exercise<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    For effective re-visioning, it is important to have an integrated vision of the other \u2013 to see the other in their woundedness AND, also in their magnificent self (Nedra Fetterman). Differentiation through re-visioning leads then from judgment to curiosity and acceptance and then ultimately to WONDER. The partner is the source of Awe, Mystery, and Wonder (Helen la Kelly Hunt). This is to know your partner beyond being a wounded child. Revisioning your partner like that, then your partner becomes the person beyond the wounded child. (Harville Hendrix).<\/p>\n

    How Imago Couples Therapists and Facilitators can use reimaging in a session is:<\/p>\n